Ad astra per aspera

You already know what you want

Despite what people think, making decisions is easy. We do it every single day, every hour, every minute. There are actually few things in life that we have more practice at doing. Before you scoff and argue that little decisions are different than big decisions, let me point out that there are no little decisions.

Choosing when to get up in the morning effects the course of your day: whether you're rushed or whether you have ample time. Brushing your teeth or not could seem like a small decision... unless today is the day you meet your soul mate. Stopping for coffee? Tying your shoes? Chatting up the person behind the counter at Starbucks? All these things have the potential to change the course of your life.

So there are no little decisions. The ones that feel big only seem that way because we have a clearer sense of the consequences. Because you don't know whether tying your shoes will mean the difference between catching your train or being late for work, you don't think about it. But when faced with a decision where you know the possible outcomes, we freeze.

They say ignorance is bliss and I believe it. There is nothing quite like a little information for inducing stomach-churning doubt. And it's only a little information. Because while we may have some idea of the outcome of our decision... we can't see the outcome of this... leading to what?... carrying on to there. We can't see far enough into the future to remove all doubt. 

The hardest decision to face is when the two possible outcomes are equally positive. When one option is safe and the other is risky or if you can foresee a negative then you have no problem. In fact, you probably wouldn't even consider the negative to be a decision. Why on earth would you chose to pursue a negative? (It was a decision but don't worry about it.) When once choice is safe and the other is a risk the dilemma exists because people want to take the risk but they're afraid. That's not a decision making problem: that's a courage problem. But when both options seem equally desirable and you can only have one: people panic. 

Because despite the fact that people say you can always start over, the truth is that you can't go back. Every moment changes you just a little. So even if you try and reclaim the untried option it won't be the same because you're not the same. This seems like an apt time to quote Robert Frost's "Road Not Taken." 

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bend in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.

Poems like this are why Robert Frost is remembered long after his death and I just blog to clear my thoughts. 

In any case, we tell ourselves we'll try the other option later but that is just a method for quieting the last voice of doubt: because we know we won't. Life carries on at a breakneck pace and if you have the time to go back and take the other road than, frankly, you need to get busy living a life that runs away with you. But that's a blog for another day.

The secret to making decisions is to remind yourself that you're good at it. If you're reading this I'm reasonably sure that you managed to feed yourself this morning, you have clothes to put on, people in your life that love you, friends you can call on, dreams you hope to pursue (and yes, I'm primarily basing this on the fact that you have access to a computer and therefore fall into a certain economic bracket) and all those things in your life are products of decisions that you've made.

So trust yourself. You know the road you want to take. It's already there in your mind. The doubt you feel is the discomfort of the unknown. But don't kid yourself: it's all unknown. Unless you're flirting with the criminal underworld, there's no right or wrong here. Both options have equal potential for disaster or success. Just like every other moment of your life, how things turn out will be influenced by your actions in those moments and not the single decision you made in the past. 

Close your eyes, pretend you don't have any knowledge of the outcomes, and make your choice...

Recklessly Blown Away

Being careful is something that is deeply ingrained in us. It's one of the first lessons our parents teach us (often in a panic!) and the lesson only gets reinforced with time. Be careful when you cross the street. Be careful when you talk to strangers. Be careful when you fall in love. Be careful when you choose a career. Be careful with the baby. Be careful that you don't fall... Be careful...

I'm not advocating dangerous behaviour. Nor am I suggesting you should endanger your life or the lives of people around you. What I am suggesting is that perhaps being careful is not all that it's cracked up to be. Recently I've become more reckless. This is largely due to the fact that I'm exhausted from studying, working, and living, and I simply don't have any energy left into "caring".

I feel that caring, in this sense, should be defined. It's different than sparing a thought for a loved one's safety. It's different than passion for a hobby, sport, or interest. Caring, in the sense of "Be Careful", is to anticipate negative outcomes, let worry for that possible reality set in, and then act as if it has already happened.

So I don't have enough energy to "care"... to borrow troubles from an uncertain future and let that worry cloud the moment. But instead of finding myself in the throes of disaster, I find that my life feels free. Not caring, for me, has become the real version of living in the now. It's not that I'm unaware of the possible consequences of my actions. It's that, until such time as a consequence occurs, I will chose to live as if it hasn't happened yet. Worrying about something before it happens doesn't make things any easier when it comes time to actually deal. All worrying does is ruin the moment you're in.

I love this quote. The way it begins speaks to people who spend all their time caring. The fact that She is in the storm is adventure enough: good for her. And those people celebrate the fact that She did not blow away. Because they are being careful. Blown away is reckless... unpredictable... undesirable.

But what those people don't realize is: if She doesn't allow the wind to blow her away She will never discover new sights, new places, new thoughts... She might encounter calamity:

But then again... she might not.