Ad astra per aspera

Friendship is so weird...

Craving Delta Waves

I'm very tired right now. Not the definition of tired used to mean "I've taken all I can take and life just won't quit" but tired in the sense that I haven't had enough sleep in the last 48 hours. I had classes at 8am followed by work until 8pm for two days with no opportunity for naps. I can hear my pillow calling to me even as I type.

This tired is a little different than usual though. In the same way that hunger pangs remind a person that food is amazing and they should go and find some, this sense of tiredness serves to reminds me that university is awesome and I should keep doing it. Tiredness feels good when it is the direct result of expending energy in pursuit of a goal. 

There is something transformative about Passion with a capital "p". Effort isn't a burden: it's investment. Tiredness isn't exhaustion: it's fulfillment. Challenges aren't roadblocks: they're motivation.

Too often we're told, "The things that are worth doing are hard, they take effort!" I feel that there is an important caveat that gets missed. If it's hard, exhausting, heavy and you hate it... than stop. Because while things that are worth doing do take effort, when they're worth doing for you personally the effort doesn't seem so bad.

This post is going to end prematurely because I can't think of anything more to say. I really must sleep!

2014: The year of thinking like a Badass

I don't make New Year's resolutions. If we're honest, no one ever sticks to them anyways. Instead, why not take a moment to consider where your thinking might be in a rut and how you can alter it. Goals are admirable but perhaps this year you'll get closer to where you want to be if you change how you think about getting there: rather than setting new resolutions with no idea how to achieve them.

I'm not saying life isn't going to throw a few curve balls your way in the coming year. But what happens is only the catalyst: how you view things and how you respond to them is what defines the outcome of your life.

Lately I've been watching a show called Suits. It is, of course, the best kind of television. It's flashy, dramatic, and sexy. But I've learned a few things from Harvey Specter, despite him being a fictional character. Lessons about how the right perspective can change the world and that making your own luck is the best way to get lucky. So that's what I'll be focusing on this year:

Seven Life Lessons from Harvey Specter

1. Win before you even start

Harvey wins often because he closes every case he can before he goes to court. The take away? Don't fixate on all the ways that things could go badly. Don't waste your time and resources planning a rearguard action against problems that haven't even happened yet.

Think outside the box. Try and solve your situations before they become problems. Then you are free to move on to bigger and better things

Remember: Self-fulfilling prophecy can be good and bad.

2. Life without risk is bland

Harvey takes risks. Sometimes he gambles with money or his reputation or he takes a chance on someone no one else will. But the possibility of loss exists. Those risks make for good TV but what makes for good TV also makes for a more interesting life.

Risks are scary but the truth is that people who succeed in life do so because they took risks. Playing life safe does mean that you can mitigate the unexpected. But the best moments in life are unexpected... so if you don't take risks where does that leave you?

Safe and bored.

3. Learn to read people better

Harvey wins cases and poker because he knows people. Admittedly, it is TV and Harvey knows everything because it's in the script. It isn't as easy in real life.

But in real life, learning to read people is invaluable. Life is people. Taking the time to listen to the things that people say and the things they don't say. It gives you insight into situations, compassion for other people, and makes other people like you.

All three of those things are powerful tools

4. Nothing is more valuable than your integrity

The show has created a character that is honest. I like that there is a character on TV committed to ideals like honesty and fair play.

Integrity is something highly admired in our world. More so because it is a quality that appears to be more and more rare. Stick to your morals even if it appears to leave you at a disadvantage. The truth is you might lose out on the immediate situation by refusing to compromise. But the long term benefits of being known for honesty, loyalty, and integrity far outweigh the losses.

5. Don't let "unfair" derail you: work for your luck

One of the hardest things in life is to be on the wrong end of unfair. Life isn't like TV and we all know it. It seems like some people get all the breaks and the rest of us are left to fight over the scraps.

Waiting for unfairness to resolve itself isn't the right course of action though. Those people that seem to get all the breaks? It's because they work for it. Luck isn't really a thing. It's not a ghostly cloud of goodwill that floats around the world.

Luck happens when you work hard.

6. Don't just wait for your life to happen

I`m not implying that having dreams is a bad thing. Harvey`s character is emotionally cold. I, personally, like the hope that having a dream provides. Thinking big is important. If you don`t aim for something that might be unattainable, you`ll never get anywhere.

But dreams will never happen if you don`t envision how to get there. Just waiting and hoping isn`t enough. The difference between dreams and goals is the steps you take to get there.

7. Don't give up and don't back down

All of the previous lessons are handy and helpful. But the truth is that life pitches curve balls once in a while. There`s no denying that. When the going gets rough, that`s when my last life lesson from Harvey comes in handy.

No matter how bad life gets, don`t give up. It`s not just that you need to keep your confidence up. Don`t give up on finding a solution. If you`re stuck in a corner, think outside the box. There is always a solution.

Sometimes adversity generates the most creative solutions!

You already know what you want

Despite what people think, making decisions is easy. We do it every single day, every hour, every minute. There are actually few things in life that we have more practice at doing. Before you scoff and argue that little decisions are different than big decisions, let me point out that there are no little decisions.

Choosing when to get up in the morning effects the course of your day: whether you're rushed or whether you have ample time. Brushing your teeth or not could seem like a small decision... unless today is the day you meet your soul mate. Stopping for coffee? Tying your shoes? Chatting up the person behind the counter at Starbucks? All these things have the potential to change the course of your life.

So there are no little decisions. The ones that feel big only seem that way because we have a clearer sense of the consequences. Because you don't know whether tying your shoes will mean the difference between catching your train or being late for work, you don't think about it. But when faced with a decision where you know the possible outcomes, we freeze.

They say ignorance is bliss and I believe it. There is nothing quite like a little information for inducing stomach-churning doubt. And it's only a little information. Because while we may have some idea of the outcome of our decision... we can't see the outcome of this... leading to what?... carrying on to there. We can't see far enough into the future to remove all doubt. 

The hardest decision to face is when the two possible outcomes are equally positive. When one option is safe and the other is risky or if you can foresee a negative then you have no problem. In fact, you probably wouldn't even consider the negative to be a decision. Why on earth would you chose to pursue a negative? (It was a decision but don't worry about it.) When once choice is safe and the other is a risk the dilemma exists because people want to take the risk but they're afraid. That's not a decision making problem: that's a courage problem. But when both options seem equally desirable and you can only have one: people panic. 

Because despite the fact that people say you can always start over, the truth is that you can't go back. Every moment changes you just a little. So even if you try and reclaim the untried option it won't be the same because you're not the same. This seems like an apt time to quote Robert Frost's "Road Not Taken." 

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bend in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.

Poems like this are why Robert Frost is remembered long after his death and I just blog to clear my thoughts. 

In any case, we tell ourselves we'll try the other option later but that is just a method for quieting the last voice of doubt: because we know we won't. Life carries on at a breakneck pace and if you have the time to go back and take the other road than, frankly, you need to get busy living a life that runs away with you. But that's a blog for another day.

The secret to making decisions is to remind yourself that you're good at it. If you're reading this I'm reasonably sure that you managed to feed yourself this morning, you have clothes to put on, people in your life that love you, friends you can call on, dreams you hope to pursue (and yes, I'm primarily basing this on the fact that you have access to a computer and therefore fall into a certain economic bracket) and all those things in your life are products of decisions that you've made.

So trust yourself. You know the road you want to take. It's already there in your mind. The doubt you feel is the discomfort of the unknown. But don't kid yourself: it's all unknown. Unless you're flirting with the criminal underworld, there's no right or wrong here. Both options have equal potential for disaster or success. Just like every other moment of your life, how things turn out will be influenced by your actions in those moments and not the single decision you made in the past. 

Close your eyes, pretend you don't have any knowledge of the outcomes, and make your choice...

Health at Zero: Waiting to Respawn

It was bound to happen. I'm just surprised it took this long. But I've finally come down sick. My throat is sore and I'm running a mild fever. And of course all this the day before a final exam. If that wasn't enough, I spent the whole day drinking tea for my sore throat that turned out to contain an allergen that gave me a migraine!

I spent a large portion of the day napping off my migraine. I definitely did the reading that I needed to do but I can't say the information really stuck. To be completely honest, I pretty much just skimmed between closing my eyes. It's the kind of situation that could give you an ulcer. I know a lot of people in my University that would come unglued. But I'm learning a lot about life, the way things happen, and how to deal.

The fact of the matter is: there is nothing I can do about this. The body breaks down. After four months of managing full time school, part time work, and the rest of my life, I finally ran out of stamina. It's like my little health bar ran down and there's no health pack in sight. I suppose I could spend my time adding to the situation by piling on the mental stress: I'm going to fail the exam! How can I succeed if I can't study? This is terrible! This is going to ruin my grade, my GPA, and possibly my life!

But the truth is that spending the day healing is probably better for me anyways. I have time tomorrow morning to review the material and fill in any gaps that occurred in my migraine impacted brain. Whatever grade I get will be better than nothing at all, my other classes will balance out my GPA and I'm only in my second year of uni. My life is far from ruined.

It has been a very long journey for me to arrive at this place, mentally speaking. It's such a cliche for someone to tell you, "Just let it go". But if you can learn how to do it, life becomes so much better. It isn't that consequences do not occur nor that pain does not have an impact. It's just that if you can remember that it won't be permanent... that eventually something new will come along... if you can learn to be excited about the Possibilities you don't even know about... suddenly stressors just become potholes in the journey of life rather than roadblocks!

Instead of stopping short, just bounce your way across the rough and keep on going. Maybe it's lessons I've learned from video games. But when things are dire, you can always wait until you respawn and try again. Of course, in games you get to replay the exact same level until you can do it perfectly and in life you have play a new level every single day. But if you don't let the unexpected derail you then you'll have that much more of a running start when you hit the ground on your next adventure.

And if you don't think that life is an adventure... you're not doing it right!

Don't look back: That's not where you're going

I told Him that I liked him. That's a huge deal for me. I've never chosen to pursue the possibility that something could happen. Until now, a crush has always meant I felt deeply awkward and uncomfortable around that person for as long as the crush lasted. And without ever dealing with it, those crushes lasted forever. But I never truly felt that someone could possibly requite my feelings.

And at least in this case, that's still how it is. But I learned something valuable. I have never been able to "turn a crush off" but the person you like can. When you open up about it, the crush goes away. It'll either morph into mutual attraction or fade out. The only way to keep it alive after that is if you refuse to let it go. I can't think of anything more unhealthy than banging your head against a door you know is never going to open.

But that doesn't mean there isn't a degree of pain involved. It's hard not to let a rejection of a moment become a rejection of yourself. Honestly, I'm not even sure what I would have done if He'd felt the same (that's never happened before) but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have loved to hear that. My confidence is generated internally. I like me a lot. But every once in a while, I have a moment of weakness, where I'd like to hear it from someone else.

But He isn't the someone. Let's be honest. It's not a really great idea. There are a lot of reasons why I never should have gone there in the first place. Frankly, it's easy to overlook bad ideas when they're packaged together with a dreamy pair of brown eyes. But I know logically that pursuing that would have been a bad idea. A rabbit trail away from where I want to go. Maybe even a major detour.

It's easy to tell myself this is for the best. It's a little harder to put it behind me and just move on. It's hard not to look for Him in the halls, wish for a text or a phone call, hope that maybe it's all a mistake and He's changed his mind. Because isn't that what the little Princess inside all of us secretly wants? We want the dramatic reversal that proves we're worth so much. That only happens in the movies and that's the only place where it works out.

Because I don't really want a dramatic reversal. I may want to hear that someone values me but I don't want to have to convince them. The right person will see it for themselves. I want to find someone who thinks my quirks are adorable. I want someone who encourages me to be myself because they're proud to know me: Someone who doesn't understand when people don't like me. I can't imagine wasting time with anything less than that. Rejection might sting a little but it doesn't hurt as much as pretending to be someone that you're not.

So I'm glad I told Him. Otherwise, I'd still be labouring under the tension of unresolved attraction. Instead, I am free to carry on with my life. I've had a bad couple of moments: doubting myself, acting a fool. But frankly, the process of working through rejection is far quicker than carrying a pointless crush around for years.

It just wasn't that bad and I would definitely do it again. I figure that two people being right for each other and actually figuring it out: teeny, tiny odds. But the odds are zero if you never ever try!